Butter!
by Atelaar
Summary: How hard can it be to just make a sandwich?


Disclaimer: I do not own the Inuyasha characters or the talking tub, but all others are mine!

Well, folks… thought it was time for another of Inuyasha's little adventures in the modern world.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Cerberus Archives, Inuyasha and the gang have been staying in modern-day Toronto, so our favourite hanyou can train to become a Weaponsmaster. They've been quartered at the home of Inuyasha's _sensei_, Kirsten, and have settled in quite nicely. But they're still not quite used to their host's off-beat sense of humour…

OoOoOo

Jonathan Windrow was snickering as he knocked on Tamisé Okronnorch's study door.

"Yo, Tam! You in?"

"Enter, Jon. What's up?"

"Got your computer up?"

Tamisé swivelled around in his chair as his neighbour entered the room. "Always. Why are you laughing?"

"I'm playing a practical joke on Yasha and the gang. Here, shove over."

Jonathan rolled Tamisé's chair back with the amused alien in it and let his hands travel rapidly over the computer's keyboard.

"Check this out."

"A live feed?"

"Yep. From my kitchen. Checking out this new surveillance stuff Freddie wanted me to look at. Neat, huh? But I got a little something rigged to give the kids a surprise."

"Jonathan, what have you done?" Tamisé raised an inquisitive eyebrow. He had learned long ago not to trust that little smirk playing around the lips of his friend.

"See this here little box? It's a control unit for a micro-recorder. I've got some phrases programmed in that I can choose from to play back."

Tamisé examined the box. "And why is this funny?"

Jonathan snickered. "You'll see. Any minute now, Yasha's going into the kitchen to make himself a snack – and he's gonna get a big surprise. Watch your screen – here he comes."

They watched as an unsuspecting Inuyasha sauntered into the kitchen and began taking items out of the fridge to make himself a sandwich. He ranged everything on the counter and got out the bread, as he whistled tunelessly.

"Okay – here we go." Jonathan was already laughing.

Inuyasha reached for the margarine tub. As he began to take off the lid, the tub said, quite clearly, "Butter!"

The _hanyou_ dropped the tub as if it were a poisonous snake. He gave it a cautious poke, then tried to open the lid again.

"Butter!"

This time, the tub hit the floor and rolled on its side almost all the way to the kitchen table. Inuyasha was looking definitely rattled. He picked up the tub and examined it closely, but could see nothing out of the ordinary about it. Very, very carefully, he tried to get the lid off again.

"Hey! Hands off!"

The tub was dropped onto the counter and a distraught _hanyou_ backed away, calling over his shoulder for someone to come help him. Miroku was first on the scene.

"What's wrong, Inuyasha?"

Inuyasha pointed a shaking finger at the margarine tub. "It's _talking _to me, Miroku! Every time I try to get the lid off, it says something to me."

"Oh – now that's just silly," Miroku scoffed. "Inuyasha, it's an inanimate object. Here – let me show you."

The monk picked up the margarine tub and started to open the lid.

"Butter!"

"Yipe!" Miroku was startled into dropping the tub. "You're right! It did talk!"

Like Inuyasha, the monk took a cautious poke at the tub.

By this time, Tamisé was laughing so hard, he had to hold his sides. Jonathan had tears running down his face from laughter.

There was a tap on the office door.

"What are you boys doing in there?" Fawn's voice came through the door. "I can hear you all the way in the kitchen."

This proclamation only made them laugh harder. Tamisé got up and let his wife into the room.

"Darlin', you just have to see this! There's a hidden camera in Jon's kitchen and he's got the margarine tub rigged to 'talk'."

"What?" Fawn came forward and looked the computer screen, where she could see both Inuyasha and Miroku examining the innocent-looking tub.

"Okay," Jonathan said. "Time for something else." He jabbed at the control box.

Miroku had put the margarine tub down gingerly. "Maybe you should make your sandwich without it, Inuyasha."

"Keh! Y'think? I guess I could use the mayo instead."

As the _hanyou_ picked up the mayonnaise jar, the margarine tub said, "Don't touch that!"

Inuyasha was startled into dropping the jar on the floor where it promptly shattered. The _hanyou_ swore very creatively as he surveyed the mess of broken glass and mayonnaise.

"Now, now, Inuyasha. Let's just clean this up, shall we? Do you think the container could be possessed?"

"How the hell should I know? That's _your_ department, monk. Try a sutra or something on it."

"Alright. I'll prepare a sutra. You get the broom."

Jonathan, Tamisé and Fawn watched in amusement as Inuyasha cleaned up the mess from the dropped mayonnaise jar, while Miroku prepared a sutra.

"I'm ready, Inuyasha. Stand back."

The monk dropped the sutra on top of the margarine tub and pointed his staff at it. "Get thee gone, demon!"

"What do you think you're doing?" demanded the tub.

Miroku jumped back. "Uhh! It didn't work! What now?"

"What's going on in here?"

Kagome and Sango came into the kitchen. Kagome looked rather concerned as she watched Inuyasha drop the gluey mess carefully into the garbage.

"You were just supposed to be making a sandwich, Yasha, not destroying Kirsten's kitchen. What happened?"

"I dropped the mayo jar when the margarine tub talked to me."

Kagome put her hands on her hips. "Yasha! Margarine tubs don't talk. Don't be silly."

"He's not lying, Kagome," Miroku said. "It talks! It really does."

Kagome rolled her eyes and picked up the tub. "Well, it's not talking to me, is it?"

"Try taking off the lid." Inuyasha was sidling behind Miroku, who glared at him.

"Fine!" Kagome sighed.

As she pried open the lid, the tub said "Butter!"

Kagome shrieked, but continued to take the lid off, quickly finding the little wafer that had been taped inside. "It's gotta be Jon!" she giggled. "It's a joke, Inuyasha."

Inuyasha prodded at the wafer Kagome had pried out of the lid. "This is the thing that talks?"

"Yeah." Kagome looked around the kitchen suspiciously, finally locating the hidden camera. She shook her fist in the camera's direction. "We'll get you for this, Jon!"

Inuyasha stared into the camera. "Get goin', Dragon! I'm comin' for ya, ya blue-haired freak."

"Woops!" Jonathan said. "I've been ratted out, Tam! See ya later! Think I can get about five seconds' head-start on Yasha if you'll run interference."

He dashed from Tamisé's office.

"I hope he gets you good, Jon!" Fawn hollered after him.

Tamisé got up, chuckling. "I guess I'd better go get him that five seconds."


End file.
